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After a few days in his new home, the bird began to speak. “Polly want a cracker”, etcetera, you know, the usual stuff.Time passed, and the bird began to swear. And swear, and swear. The new owner, a firefighter, was no stranger to Anglo Saxon turns of phrase, but, Lawsey! This bird knew some curses!The firefighter tried reasoning with the bird, and, for his trouble, was invited to have carnal knowledge of a goat.He tried yelling at the bird, and was invited to worship at the altar of the Patron Saint of Fertility. With himself.Finally, the bird let loose with a blistering stream of invective, so loud, so profane, so scorching vulgar, that, in desperation, the firefighter seized the parrot, threw open the freezer, and tossed the squalling bird inside, slamming the door shut.The cursing and shenanigans continued for several minutes, until, abruptly, they ended. The man waited for a few more minutes, until, concerned, he peeked into the freezer, and beheld a silent, wide eyes bird. It was a pretty safe place, you know? Quiet. You read in the papers or see in the news how some of those big city schools are dangerous places to be, with drugs and bashings and stuff but that always seemed like a different country, a different world even. Those dangerous places were a million miles away from us in our little country haven.The only hassle in our place was Ben Stubbings and his three offsiders, all of whom were gigantic guys with little heads and big muscles and no brains and who, somehow, managed to get their hands on a constant supply of booze or some drug or other. They always hung out in the trees on the far side of the football field so we just all stayed away from there and there were mostly no problems. Well, not until that day in February — February 17th to be exact.It was lunchtime and really cold outside. Really, really cold with a vicious wind that drove cruel, icy spikes through every piece of clothing anyone wore. It never really snowed around there, we.
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